Book short
Why read books when there's so many other uses?
Production Number: 3
Aired: 1/20/2010
Characters Greenshirt
Written by Explosm
Length 1:56
Previous Episode Beer Run
Next Episode Pigeon

Book is the third animated short for Cyanide and Happiness.


The scene opens with Blueshirt (wearing a tie) sitting at a computer laughing. Greenshirt (also wearing a tie) comes over to him and says, "Hey buddy, what are you laughing at?"

Blueshirt turns to Greenshirt and answers, "Just reading some comics on the internet."

In a salesman type way, Greenshirt asks him, "Doesn't that cause eye strain, back strain, and carpal tunnel?" As he lists each danger, they appear next to him on the screen in blue letters.

Blueshirt thinks about it and answers, "You know, now that you mention it, ouch!" Blueshirt grabs his head in an exaggerated way then rubs his back. "It does."

Pleased, Greenshirt suggests, "Have you ever thought to yourself, there's got to be a better way?" to which Blueshirt answers that he has. "Well, you're in luck! Introducing, the Cyanide and Happiness book." Greenshirt announces with a positive reaction from Blueshirt. "Don't let your friends think you're uncool, unhip, and unliterate. It's a must have! Just look at all the amazing things that it can do!"

Hesitant, Blueshirt answers, "Okay." and Greenshirt lists these humorous uses:

  • Swat away bees and flies.
  • Do an impression of a house.

"The possibilities are endless!" Greenshirt adds with a huge smile.

Blueshirt looks at him funny and corrects, "You only mentioned two." Prompting Greenshirt to lift the table causing Blueshirt's computer to slide off before he continues:

  • Impress your friends.
  • Paper cut your enemies.
  • Pitch a cabin instead of a tent.
  • Use it to blow your nose.
  • Use it to blow your mind.
  • Level your table.
  • Fan yourself in the summer.
  • Warm your home in the winter.
  • Hold back your lose papers.

"But wait there's more!" Greenshirt exclaims.

Blueshirt looks toward the camera, then back at Greenshirt and asks, "Okay, what...?" and Greenshirt continues:

  • Train your dog.
  • Raise your kids.
  • Jog your memory.
  • Show it to your mom.

Shows Blueshirt showing the book to a gravestone.

  • Teach your kids how to read.

Child Purpledress looks at Tealshirt and asks, "Daddy, what's herpes?" and Tealshirt dismisses that she'll find out when she's older.

  • Add ham and make a delicious book sandwich.
  • Show it to your mom again.
  • Buy a bunch and stash them away.

"It's a must stash!" Greenshirt exclaims and turns to Blueshirt.

"Okay, I think I just..." Blueshirt starts to say but Greenshirt continues:

  • Entertain your friends at parties.
  • Make a splash at the office.
  • Put it in the toaster.
  • Put it in your mouth.
  • Spit it out.
  • Put it back in your mouth again.

Finally, Blueshirt exclaims, "Alright! I'll buy your fucking book!"

Greenshirt awkwardly rubs the back of his neck and says, "Oh, I already bought you one." and slides a copy of the book over to Blueshirt before walking away. Blueshirt picks up the book and opens it when Greenshirt reappears and exclaims, "They also make great gifts!" and Blueshirt falls out of his chair.

The episode ends with a product screen telling you "To buy, go to a place where books are sold." and in a note on the screen, it reads, "We've got FOUR books, three of them are funny."


  • Blueshirts' Mom dies and is burried some time before the short.


  • Blueshirt suffers from eyestrain, back pain, and carpel tunnel from reading comics on the internet.
  • Enemy is violently papercutted by the Cyanide and Happiness book.
  • Dog is hit in the head by the Cyanide and Happiness book.
  • Kid is hit in the head by the Cyanide and Happiness book.
  • Blueshirt hits self in the head with book.
  • Blueshirt falls out of his chair.


  • In addition to being a weekly animated short, this short doubles as a commercial for the real books they sell full of some of the daily comics as well as some that cannot be found online.
  • The message, "We have four books, three of them are funny" refers to the book made exclusively for Depressing Comics Week.
  • This is the only short that doubles as anything but a short.